piece of the leaf

Now.....on Jeff's mind:

***This page is dedicated to having fun. Jeff will be sharing just what it is that happens to be going through that awesome brain of his at any given moment. Some of the content may be honest opinions and reviews, while other posts may be offensive and hilarious. So sit back, relax and enjoy what's on Jeff's mind!


10/27/2015

    I was thinking today on my drive to work about airport security. I have a trip coming up and I just really do not like the security line. I stand in the security line waiting for the TSA agent to look at my ID and give me the squiggly line that means I'm either ok or I need to be fondled by a relocated mall cop. Oh and by the way can these people be any more bland? I know they have a tough, boring, and important job and I don't need knock knock jokes, but c'mon! They act like their dog just pissed on their fancy blue shirts.. Ok back to my point. I hate these lines because I get increasingly paranoid as I wait. I know I have to take off my shoes and empty my pockets and I am wearing pants that I've owned for years. (I never buy new pants). I do not own any weapons or do any types of drugs. ( Please don't rob me). I also packed everything myself and have never let my carry on out of my sight. BUT I still have to do the pocket tap like 15 times. I have to make sure that a bag of cocaine and a sawed off shotgun didn't just magically appear in my pockets. I have to do this to the point that others must think I'm a fucking terrorist. I could stand there with a turban on and a copy of Isis Weekly Magazine and not set off worse vibes than I do. I cant help it! I have the biggest fear of being framed and nothing can be worse than being framed for an airport arrest! 

   The only other time I can recall being this antsy over something I know I am ok on, was at the health clinic getting an HIV test. I felt the need to obtain one of these tests in my 20's based on just doing the right thing. I have always been fairly safe when having sex. ( Safe meaning never into being asphyxiated) And I knew that I was clean, but when i got the call to go back in for my results, I was early and had to sit in a waiting room. While I was waiting I caught a glimpse of a doctor and 3 nurses at a desk talking quietly. I immediately ran a Rolodex thru my head of every woman I have ever been with. ( I added in Madonna for fun, from that movie with Willem Dafoe, not the techno 2012 Madonna) . I began to get seriously worried! They were drawing straws on who was going to give me the bad news. Luckily after 30 minutes of incredible stress over nothing, I was fine and my apologies to the Rolodex of women ( small Rolodex) for thinking they were all disease infested.

   Until next time. Thanks for reading!

10/23/2015

Hello everyone,

   Wanted to say hi and welcome you to my section of this adventure called Piece of the Leaf. I will be chiming in here and there whenever the mood strikes. May be a few times a day even. My views tend to be more along the lines of sarcastic and I like to make fun of some political correctness in the world we live in. If you like to read open minded rants, then you should enjoy my posts. I welcome my great friends Keith and Scott to also use this section to post anything that strikes them funny as well. I truly enjoy writing and it gives me a release from my daily stress. If I can do that same thing for anyone reading, then i will consider this a success. I have also invited a Twitter friend of mine, Joe Corrado, to also dive in here and there. He is without a doubt the single best follow on Twitter. His takes on the stupidity in the media, to sports, are second to none. He is also a contributor to the Tony Bruno Podcast, so to have him on board is really exciting. Thanks and Cheers!